Better Relationships – Turning Up to Turn Them On

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When you walk in the front door of your home, are you fully recovered from your work? Or are you using your relationship for recovery? If the answer is the later, watch out.

The first time I walked on stage to do a keynote, my knees clattered together I was so nervous. All the words came out, the PowerPoint went beaut, but where was I? Somewhere else either wanting it over, or wishing it had never begun.

Turning up is really easy when we first meet our new love.

People feel that we appreciate them when we Turn-Up.

Simply by turning-up, appreciating someone for who they are, right now, we turn-them-on.

But over time we lose the infatuation and we start walking in the door, looking for sympathy, justifying tiredness, complaining about work, or even enthusiastic about tomorrow. We so easily forget that the person in front of us needs our full and undivided attention. And so begins the demise of a beautiful relationship, it spirals down into a simple, occasionally romantic, friendship.

That’s a sad result because people need romance and lust as well as friendship and love. Sustainable relationship love means we need to Turn-Up. It requires that we don’t carry baggage from the past, don’t bring anger in the door by accident, recover from work before we get home and, have the respect and integrity to our relationship to make our partner the single point of focus for the time we have together.

If we can’t do this, we’re better off to let our partner find someone who really does want a long term relationship with them, not just a live in friend.

If we can’t Turn-up with our partner, it’s not even a romantic relationship. When we don’t Turn-Up in a our relationship, we attract calamity. It’s sad to admit it, but I had an affair during my marriage. My wife knew it intuitively, even if, for the sake of the family she denied it consciously.

She knew it, not because she was some psychic, it was because I wasn’t Turning up, like I used to. She knew, even though she didn’t „know,“ because it’s impossible to Turn Up for love, at a romantic devoted level, in two places.

Staying in a situation where we are unable to invest ourselves is really self and other depreciating. When we don’t Turn-Up in places, we become accident prone, forgetful, clumsy and a little self-absorbed.

To Turn-Up we really do need to be committed. Committed enough to get beyond emotion, without faking it. We think we’re good actors but we’re not. When we arrive and pretend to be turning up, people know it, even if they don’t „know it.“

There’s no half turning up. If you want to excel at anything, play a sport, lead people, build a happy loving relationship, the key to it is, turning up 1,000%.

Not turning up is also great. If you decide to Not Turn Up, then make sure you Not Turn Up, 1,000%. Don’t do anything half. If you are at home with the children, be there, 1,000%. If you are writing an email, be there 1,000%. When you walk in the door of your home, be there, 1,000%. No excuses.

You can start turning up 1,000% by adjusting your posture. The way people avoid turning up, is to slouch their posture, so, you can make that commitment to yourself right from the start of the day, good posture almost guarantees you turn-up. Emotion is the number one enemy of turning up, so good posture, good breathing patterns and good thinking processes are always under attack from emotions.

Turn up, turn them on, be happy with who people are, as they are, appreciate people for what is, not just what can be.

Anything I do where I am only half involved, whether it be a conversation, a dinner, an email, a speech, a run, walking in the mountain or loving my partner, will drain me of energy, not be received by others well and be a waste of time. Turning up is one of the most powerful communication fundamentals. It’s critical for any person wishing to connect with other human beings to know how to turn up and be in the zone, stillness, right now.

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